1
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:05,720
Where are the spoons?

2
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,280
I am as regular as clockwork.

3
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,840
Give me a header!

4
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,920
Not in the house, Amy!

5
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,600

here we go!

6
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,520
OK, off you go. Oh, all right?
Hey! Hey!

7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,080

here we...

8
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,880
Sorry, do you mind not? That's the
car. Stop it! Stop singing!

9
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,920
OK, OK. Good luck, I hope
you win, if that's what you want.

10
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,120
I just want to get it over with,
get home as soon as possible

11
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,480
and eat a Yorkie in the bath.

12
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,440
Hashtag life goals. Why are you
wearing gloves

13
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,720
if you're going to be on the bench?

14
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,080
I don't know, Sam. I'm nervous.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

15
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,920
All right, then? You will protect
me, won't you, Robin?

16
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,400
Huh? Make sure I never have to go
on the, er, lawn.

17
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,640
-Lawn?
-The pitch?

18
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,240
Yeah, don't worry, big boy.
I got you.

19
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,880
OK. I'll be your human shield. OK...

20
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,480
Off you go! Get in the car!
Come on, Paolo!

21
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,640
Well, this is it, then. Oh, God!
It's coming home, I guess. Yeah.

22
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,280
HORN HONKS REPEATEDLY
It's coming home. It's coming home.

23
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,960
Get off, get off! Stop, Oh, God!

24
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,320
Stop honking, you silly sod!

25
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,280
Hurry up, Paul. Get in the car,
get in the car.

26
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,400
Yeah, I'm coming, I'm going, yeah.
OK. Aah, love you.

27
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,280
All right, OK! Let's do this!

28
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,400
Come on, Sam.
Yeah, I'm coming.

29
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,440
Why is Mum being so weird?
Yeah, I don't know.

30
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,720
They're doing an extension
over there.

31
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,280
Yeah. Well, they've been doing that
for 18 months, Mum.

32
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,160
Who's that...? Who's that guy?

33
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,040
Why have you got
three isotonic drinks?

34
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,920
Oh, my goodness. God, it's massive.

35
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,640
Is it ever? Wow. Yep.

36
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,320
It looks like - and please don't
take this the wrong way, Robin -

37
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,400
something out of a cartoon.
Thank you.

38
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,720
Is it a real diamond?

39
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,720
It... Er, yes and no. It's lab
grown, so it's like an IVF diamond.

40
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,920
Don't touch it. But it's... It's so
sparkly, isn't it?

41
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,360
Yeah.
It's amazing. Oh, my God,

42
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,560
Cherry's going to love it.

43
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,960
It sort of suits her.
DOORBELL RINGS

44
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,080
Doorbell!

45
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:43,320
Oh, I'll get it!

46
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,320
Don't touch it, please, Rach.
Well, no, it's just amazing.

47
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,600
When's the proposal?

48
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,560
I'm still trying to work that bit
out, actually,

49
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,240
because I wanted to get a flash mob
going... Oh. Flash mob!

50
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,400
..but so far I've only managed
to rope in Dean and Jelson,

51
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,880
so that probably wouldn't look
great. No.

52
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,320
Probably not, no. No.
Oh, my godfathers, Paul,

53
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,680
they're absolutely amazing!
What's that, Mum?

54
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,960
Oh, my God!

55
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,600
The Valentine flowers you got
for Rachel!

56
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,480
Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, they're pretty
cool, huh? There's...

57
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,920
Oh, no, they're not mine,
mine are over there.

58
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,120
Who are THEY for, then?

59
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,160
Erm, I don't know,
the postie just dropped them off...

60
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,880
Oh, they're for Amy, from Maya.

61
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,560
Oh! Oh, my God! That's nice, innit?

62
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,280
I didn't have Maya down
as the romantic type. No.

63
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:23,880
She must be cheating on her, then.

64
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,600
That is the only reason you buy
a bunch that big, trust me.

65
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,120
Yeah, hundy P. That absolutely reeks
of guilt, actually.

66
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,800
Do you reckon? Letter for you, Paul.

67
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,920
Oh, thanks. Amy! Amy, love!

68
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,120
Where is she?

69
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,160
She's upstairs.
Awwwww. HE CHUCKLES

70
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,080
Aww, thanks, babe.

71
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,280
Amy! What? What for? The card. Aww.

72
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,000
Well, I didn't. That's not from me.
HE LAUGHS

73
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,560
Really?!

74
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,480
Oh! What's all this?

75
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,920
"To Paul. Roses are red,
violets are blue,

76
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,560
"you're too sexy to be true.

77
00:02:55,640 --> 00:03:00,360
"Be my Valentine, love and kisses
from question mark."

78
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,440
Oh, my God!

79
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,520
What's going on?
ROBIN SCOFFS

80
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,840
I don't know, why are you asking me?
I didn't send it.

81
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,040
Well, who's it from?
Well, I thought it was from you.

82
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,160
Well, it's not.
A bit jelly are we, Rach?

83
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,640
No, not jelly. Not jelly,
just confused.

84
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,760
I mean, "Too sexy to be true."

85
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,640
It is confusing, innit?

86
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,520
Are you...?

87
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,560
Are...are you having an affair?

88
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,640
CHERRY GASPS

89
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,360
What?!
Because that's what it looks like.

90
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,320
Yeah. Well, are you?

91
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,520
Of course I'm not! Oh, my God!

92
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,880
I could never handle that, Rachel.
I'm a terrible liar.

93
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,560
Oh, oh, oh - THAT'S...
that's what's stopping you, is it?

94
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,000
I have panic attacks just
thinking about things like that.

95
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,960
Of course I'm not having an affair!
It's just stupid, isn't it?

96
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,200
Well, are there...are there

97
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,600
any women on your police thing,
your training course?

98
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,040
Well, I mean, there's...
there's one. Aha! Oh, hello!

99
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,200
No, not "hello", Robin.

100
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,720
The opposite of hello.

101
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,240
Goodbye.

102
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,360
Well, I mean...
You know, it's just Zoe,

103
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,320
you don't have to worry about Zoe.
Zoe? Oh, OK. Zoe. Zoe. Zoe.

104
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,480
Zoe! Zoe. So you're on first-name
terms, then, with Zoe.

105
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,480
Oh, Rach, it is not his fault
if she fancies him, come on.

106
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,320
Exactly, thank you. Yeah.

107
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,640
Nor is it hers, by the way. No.

108
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,600
You know, she's flesh and blood,

109
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,240
I look pretty good in my uniform.
What can I say?

110
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,800
We work at close quarters,
things like this can happen.

111
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,080
It's going to happen. You know,

112
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,880
I always thought YOU'D be the one
to have an affair, Rach, no offence.

113
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,240
No, no, me too, none taken.

114
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,280
Oh, I'm not having
an affair!

115
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,680
That didn't sound innocent.
It IS innocent.

116
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,920
What...? What is it, Granny?
Here, look.

117
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,720
Aren't they all big and smelly?!

118
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,240
Wow! Yeah. That puts my box
of jelly babies to shame.

119
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,360
Aww. You all right, hon?

120
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,480
Mm. What? Yeah.

121
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,000
What do you mean?
Done the dirty, has she? What?

122
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,400
Oh, no. Maya...
What's the dirty?

123
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,680
Well, it's, you know...

124
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,640
The Dirty Gerty from number 30.

125
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,760
Exactly. What are you all talking
about?

126
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,600
Has Maya cheated on you?
Of course not.

127
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,320
OK. Oh, phew. We assumed she'd been
at it as well,

128
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,920
from the size of that bunch.

129
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,640
Yeah. Yeah, well, she hasn't, so...
What do you mean, "as well"?

130
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,200
Ask your dad. Nothing.
She doesn't mean anything.

131
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,640
He has been flirting with someone
from his police course.

132
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,600
Oh, Paul!
I haven't! I haven't, Mum!

133
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,680
There's a female cadet

134
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,200
who just happens to have the hots
for me, that's all!

135
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,240
Oh, my God, what's wrong with her?
Oh, ha-ha! Nothing.

136
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,480
And, for the record,
I have not encouraged her at all.

137
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,880
The infatuation is entirely one way,
the poor lass!

138
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,360
It does explain why you're suddenly
so keen to go for a pint...

139
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,240
CHERRY GASPS
..and some crisps after class.

140
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,760
Yeah, yeah, no...

141
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,280
No! That's... That's tactical,
actually, I'm thinking ahead.

142
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,720
Zoe's friendly with a few guys
from CID... "Zoe."

143
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,480
..so I thought if I get in with them
now, then, you know, I can...

144
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,880
Well, I'll have a couple of pints,
watch some football... Right.

145
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,920
And they might help me to become
a detective once I've trained.

146
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,880
Football?
You know nothing about football.

147
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,000
Yeah, I know,
I'm just fumbling around that bit.

148
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,720
So you're pretending that
you like football. That's pathetic.

149
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,280
Yeah, tragic. Well, it's better
than coming home every night

150
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,600
and watching you read
your therapy books. Oh, no!

151
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,520
I'm not... I am... Well, it's
a big module. I'm doing a course!

152
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,760
And I'm fitting it in
with a part-time job as well

153
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,160
so I'm quite busy! Clearly!
You tell him, sister!

154
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,080
Clearly. You didn't even buy me
anything for Valentine's Day. Oh.

155
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,040
Rach...

156
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,480
That's bad.

157
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,200
Oh is that true, Mum?

158
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,280
Er-r-r-r... I forgot.

159
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,560
..what is...what's your big module,
Rach? Yeah.

160
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,080
Um, it's just...

161
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,960
Marriage counselling.
Doesn't matter.

162
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,480
Oh, my God, it's just all
a load of rubbish anyway, isn't it,

163
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,640
Valentine's Day? No, it isn't.

164
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,560
Yeah, it's just a way to make idiots
waste money

165
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,560
on crap poetry and dead plants.

166
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,960
Oh, Rachel, don't be a Valentine's
Day equivalent

167
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,160
of Scrooge.

168
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,800
Well... Romance can be very thrifty.

169
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:43,200
OK, Sue. I mean, just cook him
a nice meal or something,

170
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,080
that's what I used to do for Les.

171
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,520
Oh, no, please don't make Dad
another beef Wellington,

172
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,960
it was like trying to eat
a cricket bat last time.

173
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,160
No, it wasn't! Was it?

174
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,560
A lot worse, actually, Mum.

175
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,160
It was a bit batty, Rach.

176
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,600
Look, don't... Please don't cook me
anything, babe, you know?

177
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,320
It'll only be - no offence -

178
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,520
gross.

179
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,640
Er, I am a very good cook, actually.
I can be.

180
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,120
Look, just hire my mate, Ugly Chris,
Rach. He does home bookings

181
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,720
and he used to chef for,
like, Michelin.

182
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,360
That guy, honestly,
he can cook the lot.

183
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,960
No, we've got one of Mum's lasagnes
in the freezer. You can just defrost

184
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,720
that if you want to make me
something nice. Oh, I can defrost

185
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,760
one of Sue's lasagnes -
is that all I'm capable of, is it?

186
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,240
Er, best to let me do it.

187
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,560
Yeah, probably.
PHONE BUZZES

188
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,480
Oh, hello! There's Zoe now.

189
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,120
Oh! It's not, is it?

190
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,480
No. Of course it's not.
It's probably not.

191
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,280
Who is it, then? Um...

192
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,640
No! It's Greg, it's Greg from CID.

193
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,880
Yeah, he wants to know if I want
to go over there and watch

194
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,080
the England match on Sunday.
Will Zoe be there?

195
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,600
Um, I...I don't know,
she's in the WhatsApp group.

196
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,480
- Then, you can't go.
- Whoa, Mum!

197
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,120
Steady on, Rach! That's a bit

198
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,320
hashtag controlling behaviour,
innit? Yeah. Babe? Yeah.

199
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,800
Mum, you can't really do that.
No, not cool.

200
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,160
Well, then, invite them
over here to watch it.

201
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,120
All right. Fine. Fine!

202
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,640
Well, just...just promise
not to embarrass me, OK? Please.

203
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,560
These people are my mates.

204
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,760
And is it man on or man up?

205
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,640
No, man on and mark up.

206
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,120
Yes. Mm-hm. And what about Man YOU
cos that's one as well, isn't it?

207
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,920
No, that's...that's Manchester
United. That's not...

208
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,120
You don't need that. How have they
not worked out

209
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,320
you hate football yet?
I don't hate it.

210
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,240
I just find it inane, you know?

211
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,000
It's not like I have to play
or anything. I just have to bluff

212
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,280
my way through the conversation.
It's fine.

213
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,840
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh! Oh, that's them.

214
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,360
OK, I'll get it. I'll get it.
Doorbell! Oh, God. It's my mates!

215
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,200
My mates are here!
Please don't say anything.

216
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,760
What? Not in front of your
girlfriend?

217
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,120
No...

218
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,160
Come on!

219
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,920

England! Forever!

220
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,400
Hiya, Jeffrey. Greg, how are
you? Hello, nice to meet you.

221
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,120
Thanks for having us.
The Barmy Army!

222
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:50,200
Yeah, barmy! The army!
Brought some, er, Peter Beersleys!

223
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,040
What...what's that, then?

224
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,920
Beers. You know,
Peter Beersley, yeah?

225
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,200
Ha-ha-ha!

226
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,320
Yeah! Where we going? First right.
In the house, thank you.

227
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,960
And this is Fozzie. Oh, hi.
Where's your telly?

228
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,720
It's... Well, through there. OK. Hi.
Thank you. Hello.

229
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,360
And, well, yeah, this is, um...
This is...this is Zoe.

230
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:11,640
Oh, right, you're... Hi. Hi.
Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm Paul's wife.

231
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,280
And I'm Sue, Paul's mum,

232
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,760
and this is Sammy with the camera.
Hello.

233
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,560
Foden's starting, Jeffrey.
Oh, congratulations, Foden.

234
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:21,760
That's... It's coming home!

235
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,320
About to kick off! Great!

236
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,200
Mm. Huh?

237
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,800
Why do they keep
calling you Jeffrey?

238
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,800
Yeah, that's banter, Mum.

239
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,720
You know, it's
like the Peter Beersley thing,

240
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,600
there's a lot of banter, so I'm
Jeffrey because they...they probably

241
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,840
found that I was a former Olympic
archer, so, er,

242
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,440
Jeffrey Archer.

243
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,120
Are you sure they don't just think
your name's Jeffrey? Mm.

244
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,760
Is the skank here, then?

245
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,640
Eh? No, she's not a skank!

246
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,200
Don't you dare defend her.
You're on thin ice, you are.

247
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,000
Well, no, she didn't...she didn't
seem like a skank

248
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,400
on first impressions. England!
Hi, Ames, how's it going?

249
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,240
England time!
Hi, Robin's weird friend. Dean.

250
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,000
Yeah, I know your name.
All right, darling? Oh, snap!

251
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,880
Oh. Sort of.
This is the women's team.

252
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,880
Oh. So...
I actually like women's football.

253
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,160
No need to say "actually".

254
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,720
No need to say women's.

255
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,800
I...like...

256
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,000
..football.

257
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,400
There you go. Oh, checks out.

258
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,360
England!

259
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,520
Greg! Oi, oi! Here they are. Hey!

260
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,760
Grab a bib, then. Yeah.

261
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,680
All right? Ready to get huge,
fellas? Just a bit, just a bit.

262
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,600
Always. It's coming home!
It's coming home. All right?

263
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,280
Oh, there's a coffee van and all!
Oh, yeah? Is there?

264
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,600
Nice! Now, Paul,
I made you some honey sandwiches

265
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,600
and a pot of jelly, just in case
you get peckish.

266
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:50,120
Jelly?! I don't think Michael Owen
eats jelly before he plays football.

267
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,480
You're on the bench.
It doesn't matter, does it?

268
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,920
Yeah, but even so, can you not use
my old lunchbox, please?

269
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,600
I'm not eight any more. All right,
then, I'll take it back.

270
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:00,760
No, no, don't. I mean, I'll have it.
What?

271
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,520
All right, babe?

272
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,240
Oi, Sam, make sure you're filming
when we're playing, OK?

273
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,040
I've got a bit of a surprise
planned. Oh, yeah? What is it?

274
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,400
Huh? Ha-ha! Look at that! Oh, wow.

275
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,720
I'm going to do it
as a goal celebration.

276
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,040
That is quals, mate. Yeah.
That's pure quals. I know.

277
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,000
What about if you don't score?

278
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,240
Er...

279
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,000
..I hadn't thought of that. Mm.

280
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,560
Oh. Oh, you'll slot, mate.

281
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,800
The Slot Machine? Slotbot 3000?

282
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,880
Don't worry about that.
He slots when he wants.

283
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,200
Yeah, slot when you want, mate.

284
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,520
Oh, God. What?
I've got honey all down me.

285
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,400
Oh, well, that doesn't matter.
It's only on your bib.

286
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,320
Mum, this is not a food bib!
This is a sports bib

287
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,680
for the football game.
This is my uniform.

288
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,560
Oh, hi, guys.

289
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,880
OK, here we go. You, er...you cool
to start off, then, Jeffrey?

290
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,000
Er, no, no.

291
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,520
No, I don't want to play yet,
thanks.

292
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,120
What? I'm just going to...

293
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,320
I'm happy on the side bench. OK.
That's my position.

294
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,000
That's what "start off" means, Dad.

295
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,520
Oh, yeah, as in I'll start OFF
and stay off... Yeah. Right.

296
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,440
..I think
cos I'll be the substitute. OK.

297
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,200
What? Not for the whole tournament.

298
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,640
Well, ideally, yeah.

299
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,440
Right, come on, then, guys.
Let's do this!

300
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,640
Yeah, come on! Let's go!
It's coming home!

301
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,960
Oh, God, you're massively
overusing that phrase, Dad.

302
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,160
Yeah, I know I am, I'm nervous.
Yeah. Use this one, please, ref!

303
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,240
Yes, football time!

304
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,720
Chez? Cherry! Cherry! Can you just
stop selfie-ing, babe? Watch a sec.

305
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,200
Cherry! Man on, man on!

306
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,440
Oh! Keeper! Unlucky, Robin!
Don't worry, babe.

307
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,120
Come on, yeah? Cherry!

308
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,320
Argh!

309
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,520
Cherry! Cherry! Cherry!

310
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,040
Argh! No, don't dink it! Go on, Ron.

311
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,200
Oh! Cherry! Cherry, this time.

312
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,800
Oh!

313
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,600
Argh! Oh, Robin!

314
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,040
I leant back, brother.
Yes, yes, you leant back.

315
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,080
Yes, yes, yes.

316
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,800
Yes, I'm free!
Pass it! Pass it! Please pass it!

317
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,520
Don't pass it! Pass it!

318
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,480
Ah! Suck on that!

319
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:04,960
Slam, bang. Go on, Zo!
Well done. Yes, yes, yes!

320
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,200
Go, CID! You've already got a goal!

321
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,080
Yellows!

322
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,360
It's hopeless. Close him down!
Close him down, someone!

323
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,320
Energy. Energy! Right, well,
I'm bored now. Yeah? Get tight!

324
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,400
Get... Exactly. Get tight and...

325
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,760
I mean, what was that?

326
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,480
Good ball. Lovely ball.

327
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,600
England! Oh. Er...

328
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,680
Oh.

329
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,960
All right, Mum. That's a bit much.
Yeah, I'm eating onion rings, babe.

330
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,840
All right, forget it. Argh!
Oh, well, don't... Oh, come on!

331
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,560
Pathetic. Isn't it?

332
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,680
Pathetic. Isn't it?

333
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,400
I mean, they are overpaid idiots,
frankly. Yeah.

334
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,040
Lovely legs, though. Mm.

335
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,400
Lovely everything.

336
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,040
Oh, yeah, yeah?
What's your type, then, Zoe?

337
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,760
Marcus Rashford. Right.

338
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:53,240
All day long. I would grind his bits
to butter, given the chance.

339
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,760
Yeah. Well, he is
too sexy to be true.

340
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,160
Don't!

341
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,400
Do you like older men, Zoe?

342
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,120
Beard, father...

343
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,680
Oh, referee!

344
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,200
Huh? What? Referee?
What? What about him?

345
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,840
Well, I'm just thinking about
all of, you know, his past stuff.

346
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,800
I mean, get... Bloody hell,
get some glasses, ref, isn't it?

347
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,880
Ah.

348
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,960
Huh? Jeffrey, any chance of getting
some more Hernan Crispos?

349
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:27,440
He means crisps, Dad. Crisps! Yeah.
Yeah, I've got some canapes coming,

350
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,240
actually... Rach?
..and, yeah, some salmon puffs.

351
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,560
Can't see the telly. Sorry, yeah,
sorry for taking up space

352
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,560
in my own house.
Do something with it!

353
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,960
Yeah, do something, for good...
I mean, score a goal at least.

354
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,160
I mean, why don't
they bring Grealish on?

355
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,080
He is on. Take him off, then.
Make a change.

356
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,840
I didn't know you were
a football fan, Paul? Huh?

357
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,560
Football fanatic more like.

358
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,280
Yeah. Who do you support?

359
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,360
Liverpool, the Reds.

360
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,280
Yeah, my mother's family are from
there, so...

361
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,040
Yeah, no, cut me open and I bleed...

362
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,480
..red. Yeah, we all do.

363
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,960
Yeah. Who's your favourite player,
then? What, of all time? Yeah.

364
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,200
John Barn. Barnes, John Barnes.

365
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,480
John Barnes, definitely.

366
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,240
Here, you should join our
five-a-side team. Oh, yeah, defo.

367
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,320
Keep talking, what's this? Oh,
my dentist has got this five-a-side

368
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,320
charity tournament thingy next
weekend, so... Ooh! ..if you want to

369
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,320
put a team together, we've only got
me and Robin so far. Hell, yeah,

370
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,760
me and Fozzie used to have
our own CID team a few years back

371
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,800
until we lost a couple of players.
Well, let's reform it!

372
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,320
Jeffrey and I can plug the gaps
in CID no problem. Right, Jeffrey?

373
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:35,400
Just a bit. Yeah, I'd love that.
Yes! Yeah, game on! Hey!

374
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,480
Let's do it! Yeah, I should just
say, though, I'm not that good.

375
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:39,760
You know, I'm no Ben Fogle and...

376
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,920
MOBILE BUZZES
..you know, maybe I should be

377
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,640
a spare or something, you know.
Sub. Spare? He means sub.

378
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,360
Er, substitute, yeah. Ben Fogle?
Yeah. Hey, Maya, can you hear me?

379
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,840
Didn't he play for Everton?
I mean... Maya? Oh, hang on,

380
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,560
I'll go outside. If she is doing
the dirty, she is well good

381
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,880
at hiding it. Mm. Well, I wouldn't
blame him for flirting with

382
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:01,920
someone else anyway. I have been
neglecting him a bit recently.

383
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,360
Do not victim blame yourself, babe!

384
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,200
OK. This is not your fault.

385
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:10,680
Right, yeah, well, I know,
but I shouldn't have forgotten

386
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:15,480
Valentine's Day. You know, um...
Yeah. ..that's a bad sign according

387
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,520
to all the marriage counselling
books I've been reading.

388
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,320
Oh, my... Oh, dear. Oh, for...

389
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,360
Yeah, you know...

390
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,800
Oh!

391
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,280
In fact, Cherry, can I have
the number of...

392
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,880
..is it Ugly Chris, the chef?
Yeah, sure.

393
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,840
Do you know, he is single
at the moment as well?

394
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,040
No, I don't want to go out with him.
Oh, I thought you wanted to have

395
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,560
a, like, revenge affair.

396
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,760
Er, no, I don't.

397
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,760
And even if I did,
I wouldn't pick someone called

398
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,160
Ugly Chris, would I?
Oh, no, he's hot, though.

399
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,600
Oh, right, is he? Yeah, smoking hot.

400
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,960
We call him Ugly as a joke
because he isn't.

401
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,960
Oh!

402
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,480
Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Is it?

403
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:56,960
Yeah. Yeah.

404
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,480
Well, I was meant to cook
the Wellington thing for Paul

405
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,080
and I do tend to overcook things
a bit. You do, yeah.

406
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,280
It'd have to be a secret, though.
Of course.

407
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:09,640
I need Paul to think I made it,
ideally, and Amy. Yep. OK.

408
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,360
SHOUTING
Oh! Something's happening.

409
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,360
A goal! A headed goal!

410
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,240
Everything all right, Sammy?

411
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,560
Yeah, I think we just scored,
Granny. Oh, fab!

412
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,960
Oh, we scored, Amy! A goal. Uh-hm.
Off the post and then in!

413
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:30,240
The post? The bar, you mean? Amy?
The bar! Off the bar and then in!

414
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,320
Are you all right, love? Yep.

415
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,000
OK, one more game
and we win this thing.

416
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,920
We'll start with the same formation,
OK? Narrow in defence,

417
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,480
wide in attack. Keep it tight
and talk to each other. Always.

418
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,280
Yeah, let's have it!
SHOUTING

419
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,960
It's coming home! Yeah!

420
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,520
Come on, yellows!

421
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,920
Ah! He's done you.
Great save, Fozzie.

422
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,160
CID forever! Paul, on you come,
mate.

423
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,920
No, I'm all good, thanks. Come on,
mate. I'm breathing out my arse

424
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,280
here. No, I can't come on, Dean.

425
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,320
I'm eating my jelly. What?

426
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,720
So... Right. Oh, good effort!

427
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,800
Unlucky!

428
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,840
Man YOU! What? What?

429
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,640
I mean man on. Sorry, man on.

430
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,560
No, no, no, no, no.

431
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,600
Oh, Deano! Oh, Deano.

432
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,800
Oh, and there...and there
you have it.

433
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,640
Come on, heads up. It's OK.

434
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,040
Come on, boys.

435
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,320
And girls.

436
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,840
Zoe, sorry.

437
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,480
Keep your heads up.

438
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,160
What did she do, then - Maya?

439
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,680
I know you binned the flowers.

440
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,920
Oh, no, nothing.

441
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,520
Just, they were getting old,
that's all.

442
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,160
Oh, Amy, she did do the dirty,
didn't she?

443
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,280
No, it's nothing like that.

444
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,280
She just hasn't told her parents
about me.

445
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,000
She said she had, ages ago.

446
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,120
Turns out they don't even know
she's gay, so...

447
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,200
Do you want me to talk to them?

448
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,200
Um, I think...definitely not.

449
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:18,440
Because Les didn't tell his parents
about me, you know,

450
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,360
for years, and we weren't even gay.

451
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,440
Right.

452
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:24,920
Why not?

453
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:30,280
Oh, well... Oh, they were snobs.
They didn't want him

454
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,160
marrying a working-class girl
from the north, did they?

455
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,000
But it turned out well in the end...

456
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,240
..so give her time.

457
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,880
Thanks, Granny.

458
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,120
Oh! Chez! Chez, watch me. Hang on
a sec. Go on, Rob. Go, go, go!

459
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,440
Cherry, eyes on me! Yes, Robin!
Hang on a sec. You're in!

460
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,120
Pass it!

461
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,800
CHEERING

462
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,920
{\an8}Cherry! Yeah!

463
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,960
Cherry? Where are you? I can't see!
Over here, Robin! I'm here!

464
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,480
Robin! Cherry! Will you marry me?

465
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,160
Yes! Yes, I will! Oh, babe!

466
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,720
Oh! Oh, no! Robin?

467
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,680
You all right, babe?
Up you get, then, Rob!

468
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,480
Oh, Robin. It's like an egg,
isn't it? Oh, don't touch it, babe.

469
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,520
OK, so, Robin's not allowed
back on for a bit

470
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,480
cos of some woke health and safety
concussion nonsense.

471
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,720
Well, in case he has brain damage.
That, yeah.

472
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,120
It was a good goal, though, weren't
it? It was a brilliant goal

473
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,280
from my fiance.
It was a golden goal.

474
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,800
Yeah, so, Jeffrey, you're on.
Er...er...hang on.

475
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,360
Um, Greg... No, look, come on,
sit at the back with me.

476
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,360
You'll be golden. No. You can do
a shift in defence, right?

477
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,600
Um, I mean, not traditionally.
Stay tight, hold them up, no shots,

478
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,160
hit them on the counter, OK?
Right, er, exactly. And where is

479
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,720
the counter? What? Sorry.
You'll be fine.

480
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,360
Right, yeah. Sorry, guys! Guys,
I should just, um... I should just

481
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,480
say, um, full disclosure
before we start.

482
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,480
I mean, you've probably noticed this
anyway, but I am -

483
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,440
how can I put this? -
bobbins, sadly.

484
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,560
Yeah, yeah, we're all past our best,
mate.

485
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,640
No, I'm not... I've never... I've
never actually played it before,

486
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,000
football, is the thing.

487
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,960
Are you winding me up?
You've never even played?

488
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,840
Then, why did you join
the team, then?!

489
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,200
You're right. Exactly.
I shouldn't have done.

490
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,720
I guess I've...I've always wanted
to be in the CID

491
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,240
and I thought that being in a team
with you now might help.

492
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,880
It doesn't,
it doesn't work like that.

493
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,680
No, yes, I know, I know,
and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

494
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,600
How bobbins are we talking?
Oh, the maximum.

495
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,120
As bobbins as can be.

496
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,280
I don't think I've ever kicked
a football before.

497
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:42,400
I'm better with my hands, you see.
Hence the archery.

498
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,280
Your what? What?

499
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,400
Archery. I'm a former
Olympic archer. Oh, are you?

500
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,560
Yeah, I thought you knew that
because of the...

501
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,920
Just go in goal, you'll be fine.

502
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,920
OK, yeah, yeah. So, Fozzie, you
come out. Jeffrey goes in there.

503
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,200
In goal?!

504
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,000
Yeah. Now. Let's go.

505
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,960
Oh. And I can use my hands, right?
I can use my hands? Yes!

506
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,280
And my feet? I can use my feet?!

507
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,920
It's coming home. Nothing fancy,
yeah? Just keep it tight.

508
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,800
Go on, Paolo! It's coming home,
it's coming home... Good luck, Dad.

509
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,520
..it's coming home.

510
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,880
Come on, Jeffrey! Come on!

511
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,200
Ah! OK, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

512
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,240
Ah! Oh, my God.

513
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,600
Well in, Jeff! Come out! Come out!

514
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,360
All right, good.

515
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,120
Ah! Not too close, not too close!

516
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,000
Well done, Paul, yes!

517
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,240
Nice one, Dad! Well done, Paul!

518
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,040
Well done, Jeffrey.

519
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,520
Who's on him? Who's on him?! Deano!

520
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,640
Good tackle, good tackle. Aargh!

521
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,280
Aargh! Oh, my God, Dean! Dean!

522
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:46,920
Oh, ref! He fouled me, ref! Oh...
You can't be serious!

523
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,520
..he's got the red one out.
He fouled ME! It's the red one.

524
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,080
That's outrageous. He fouled ME,
ref! Is your face OK, Dean?

525
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,200
Yes, Paul. Of course my face
is all right. Well, you were holding

526
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,360
your face. That's everything that's
wrong with the modern game, that is.

527
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,720
Is there any way
we can...sort this out?

528
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,600
Come on, Paolo!

529
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,520
If you don't save this, we're out.

530
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,400
We believe in you!

531
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,680
You're saving this.
Do you understand me, Jeffrey?

532
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,720
Yeah. I mean, I'll try.

533
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,800
And succeed. Sure.

534
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,960
Just pick a side and
throw yourself at it, yeah? Yeah.

535
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,960
Come on, Dad. You've got this.

536
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,640
Love you, Paolo!

537
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:25,880
What's happening?

538
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,280
It's a penalty, babe. Oh, no.

539
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:31,200
Come on, Jeffrey!
Oh, my God, I can't watch.

540
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,280
Come on!

541
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,480
PAUL YELPS

542
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,640
CHEERING

543
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,200
Pick it up, Jeffrey!

544
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,520
Jeffrey! Oh!

545
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,520
I'm sorry!

546
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,080
You idiot! You only had to pick it
up, you useless goon!

547
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,360
Don't you talk to him like that!

548
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,600
You've lost us the whole thing,
Jeffrey. You big sack of old shit.

549
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,840
Paul! My name is Paul!

550
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,160
Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul...

551
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,280
Sammy, Sammy, help me get him up.

552
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,040
PAUL GROANS
Oh, you're all right.

553
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,600
Right in the peanuts!

554
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,520
Oh, really? Come on, brother.
I got you, I got you.

555
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,080
PAUL GROANS
Up you get.

556
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:10,920
Goodness. Oh, I need a poo.

557
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,440
Do you want my cold pack? A poo?!
Yeah, put them on there. Oh!

558
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,480
Hello? Mum, we're back!

559
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,920
Oh! OK. So, you have to go. Right
now. OK, yeah. Just remember to let

560
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,080
it stand for, like... I'll let it
stand. ..15 minutes. You'll have to

561
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,000
go out the back. Don't let them see
you. I think Dad's out there. Oh!

562
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,160
Agh! Oh, God. OK. No, down here.
Out the front. Go, go. Can you run?

563
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,160
Can you run? Quick, quick, quick.

564
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,840
Oh, my God! OK, up the stairs.
Hide, hide, hide!

565
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,520
Don't tell them about this.
I don't know what THIS is. Hey!

566
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,480
Ah, you're back! Oh, I'm sore.

567
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,840
Oh, my gosh. Great. How did it go?
You're being weird.

568
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,320
Why are you being weird?
I'm not being weird. We lost.

569
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,400
Aww. And he got a ball to the balls.
Oh.

570
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,600
And Robin and Cheryl are engaged.
Oh, my God, it's all happening.

571
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,800
And I think it's fair to say
Zoe doesn't fancy Dad.

572
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,280
What? Yeah, she couldn't have been
the one that sent me that card.

573
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:59,080
She didn't even know my name
was Paul! What card?

574
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,040
Where are you going? Where are you
going? The Valentine's card, Mum.

575
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,840
You know, the one that says,
"You're too sexy to be true."

576
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,560
No. Yeah. That was from me!

577
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,360
It... What?!

578
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,360
Oh, my God, that's tragic.

579
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,320
Well, I thought you'd figure it out!
I mean...

580
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,800
..Mum, you're not supposed to send
your son a Valentine's Day card.

581
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,560
That's just weird!

582
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,200
Well, we used to do it
all the time, back in the day.

583
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,880
Yeah, it was weird then as well.
I'm a grown man!

584
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,840
I shouldn't be eating jelly
and I certainly shouldn't be

585
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,200
receiving love letters from
my mother! No-one's MAKING you

586
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,160
eat jelly. Well, at least you know
he's not having an affair, Mum.

587
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,160
Of course I'm not because I'm a
loser. I'm a pathetic old loser. Aw.

588
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,480
No, you're not old, Paul.
Not really.

589
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,080
Or a...or a loser! And I won't make
a detective, I can tell you that

590
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,840
now. Why are you going upstairs?
Because I'm sweaty! Well, I don't...

591
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,280
Maybe come down. Do it later.
Change...change downstairs.

592
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,760
The football clothes make me sad.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no.

593
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,760
What's wrong with you? You're acting
so weird. I don't get it.

594
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,000
Oh!

595
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,080
Oh, my God!

596
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,040
Are YOU having an affair?

597
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,400
What?

598
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,560
No, no!

599
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,480
No? There's a man hiding
in our wardrobe, Rachel!

600
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,920
Maybe you WILL be a detective
after all, Dad.

601
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,720
Hey.

602
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,160
Hello, there. Don't greet him, Mum!

603
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,040
What the hell's going on?

604
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,800
This is Ugly Chris.
He's Cherry's friend.

605
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,680
OK. I mean, that guy's not ugly.
No way.

606
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,320
No, he's an absolute dreamboat!

607
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:35,040
Yeah, no, Cherry calls him Ugly
Chris as a joke because he's not.

608
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,560
Tell him.

609
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,200
Yeah, I didn't know she called me
that, actually.

610
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,560
Well, she does.

611
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:46,320
He's a chef, he's making
beef Wellington for you, from me.

612
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,240
I wanted you to think I'd made it,
that's why he's here

613
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,280
and in there.

614
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,360
Right.

615
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,600
We should probably get it out
the oven now, Rach. Yeah, no, sure,

616
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,040
thank you so much.
OK. Thank you, Ugly Chris. Cheers.

617
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,120
I'll lay the table.

618
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,600
Wait for me, Ugly Chris!

619
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:06,920
Sorry.

620
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,760
You are not a loser.

621
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,400
I mean, you won me, didn't you?

622
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,480
Yeah. Yeah.

623
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,280
Thanks, babe. I love you.
I love you, and happy Valentine's.

624
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,440
You're both way too dull
to have an affair anyway.

625
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,800
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
Yeah. And I did win

626
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,480
the Men's Archery Field
Championships in 2007, so...

627
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,640
Yep. Come on, Sammy.
It's coming home! Huh?

628
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,760
Let's Go
by The Routers

629
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,840


630
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,880


631
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,320


632
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,760


633
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,080


634
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,440


635
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,800


636
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,160